Horrible Housewives Anonymous
I love staying at home with my kids, but I am a horrible housewife and mother......

Perfect day:

Boys wake up and I feed them a good breakfast
We play outside SOME part of the day
I clean the house at some point
I work on homeschooling TJ
TJ is pottytrained
The boys play together instead of watching TV
They eat a good lunch
Dinner is ready for Charlie when he gets home

Reality:
I have washed dishes once this week (Charlie washed them the rest of the time)
I have done laundry and put it up once
Boys ate yogurt One day.
TJ is kind of hit or miss with Potty training (literaly)
We haven't gone outside once
I am on the computer to much
the boys watch to much tv
I have had dinner ready for Charlie once

I feel like such a failure

Haircut.......
Well, today I am going to do it. I am getting my hair cut short. May not be a major event for most people, but it is for me.
I would love to have long flowing hair, but mine always seems to want to look like a bad eighties hair band about the time it gets to my shoulders.
I have frizzy thick hair. One of my hairstylists told me "To be so white you really have ethnic hair!" I put it down to my mixed background of Scotch/Irish/Welsh/English/Spanish/French/German/Italian/Cherokee.......I wouldn't be surprised if I had African in there also (little know fact...if you have Native American heritage, you most likely also have some African heritage. Run away slaves would sometimes "blend" into Native American villages)
So today I take the step. I always want to look cool and hip, but most of the time I don't. Being a larger women it is hard to dress like I really want to. They don't make clothing that I really like that fits me.
I also want to look young. I was asked if my sons were my GRANDCHILDREN a few months ago.
I always have worried that a short cut will make me look....how shall I say...butch. You see a skinny women with short hair and she looks sexy....you see a fat girl and sometimes it makes you question her sexual orientation.
The positive thing about cutting my hair is that if I don't like it, it will grow out.....in a few years.

Life will never be the same!
Well, We have a daughter WOW!
The C-section did NOT go as planned. It is interesting what you get used to. I had 2 previous C-sections so I thought I knew what to expect....NOT. I had spinals with both TJ and Ben without problems. With Ben, they tried for 45 minutes to do an epidural (they did a epidural for pain management) but were able to do the spinal with no problem. Not so this time.
They tried for 20 minutes to "find the spot" but were unable to. I begged and pleaded with them to keep trying but he didnt want to keep "fishing" in my back.
I began to have a panic attack when I realized that neither Charlie nor I would be able to see our daughter born.
Having a C-section, you lose part of the birth process anyway. However, you still get to hear the first cry and the excitement of them saying "It's a girl!" I loved being able to talk to Charlie while they "worked" on me.....and seeing his face when he sees his children for the first time. We lost that this time. I wasn't able to see her till 5 o'clock (she was born at 1:38)
I woke up from the surgery in the WORST pain I have EVER experienced in my entire life...ittook over an hour for the pain to get under control.
However.....ALL that is over, and we have a healthy baby girl.

It's all worth it

I have to keep repeating this to myself. There are things I know for sure:

1. God has called charlie and I to trust HIM with the number and spacing of kids we have
2. I am to stay at home with whatever children we have

But it becomes difficult at times. Times like when we are paying bills. We have NO credit card debt. In fact, other than our home, the only debt we have is one I brought into the marriage. For a car and credit cards that I used in my stupidity in my 20's. I was offered a station wagon from my parents but NOOOOO I wanted to have a NICE care. I lived off credit cards for a few years, buying what I wanted, no thinking how it would effect my future spouse and children.

We have a nice home, trucks that run (they have issues....but they run) and my boys do NOT do without. They have food and clothing. And toys! Boy do they have toys. We only give them 3 gifts for Christmas, and decided years ago that we would only spend 50$ on christmas and 50$ on their birthdays.....but don't feel sorry for them. They BOTH got loads of other gifts from 2 sets of Grandparents, 5 sets of aunts and uncles (counting great aunts/uncles on both sides) each great grandma and 3 sets of cousins.....so they EACH got 13 gifts TOTAL for Christmas, Including but not limited to a MASSIVE TALKING Thomas the train set (which aint cheap) A basketball goal, a handy manny tool set, a V-tech computer with 150$ dollars worth of games, a talking viewmaster with reels, handheld drawing boards......I am not EVEN going to try to remember the rest.

So why am I whining.....WHY AM I whining?

Really have no reason to. I can't get my hair done once a month like I would like to. Can't get my nails done.
I would love to travel more with our kids. We travel to TN, SC and VA to see family, but have taken ONE "fun" trip to Greenville SC..and we even stayed with friends there. But we get to spend a week at the beach every year. We would love to be able to travel someplace once a year like disney, out west....to Scotland. But thats not gonna happen right now.
I would love to be able to get the van I want....but right now we have to stick the kids in the big green truck (WHICH was a blessing from my parents....no bills for the truck)

It's just extras....that would be nice but don't count in the light of eternity. My children do...I have to focus on that

I was asked this week if we "get a girl" if we would stop. I just told the person, "We don't use birth control.....and we want 4 kids".......
It is hard to get into the whole issue with people.
Truth is, we don't believe in ANY form of chemical birth control. We believe it can cause a fertilized egg not to attach (rare, but it happens) and in our opinion, that is abortion. We also do not plan on ever getting my tubes tied or Charlie getting a vasectomy.
So....we are left with trusting God to limit our family. This would not be much of an issue except I am only SUPPOSED to have 4 C-sections.
We will have to revisit what we will do and not do after my 4th C-section. If my scars look good, I will most likely have a 5th if it happens. We may choose to use NFP at that time. I don't know.
If my scars look dangerous, We will have to use barrier methods. We MAY consider surgery if it looks like my life is in danger..but only at that point.
If I had not had to have C-sections this would be a non-issue. We would have kids until I went through menopause. Unfortunately, that is not an option.

The Submissive wife.

Just the above words will bring anger to some people. They have no understanding of what BIBLICAL submission is. I will not BEGIN to say that I am perfect in this area.....but a few things have happened lately that bother me.....
1. Women speaking negatively about their husbands. They post insults on facebook and expect people to think it is funny.
2. Women speaking to their husbands like they are children. They talk to the man that God has blessed them with like they are idiots.
3. Christian women who think seperate checking accounts are their "Right" What about the two becoming one?

I had a situation recently where I spoke and settled a matter with MY HUSBAND....and another family member said I should have discussed it with them.....ummmm....I spoke with my husband....end of story.

When we got married we included the verses about submission in our ceremony. It speaks of the man being as Christ to his wife. If you are being loved, honored and cared for WHY wouldn't you submit?
It becomes harder when the man is not holding up his end. Harder but not impossible.

I know I am old fashioned. I know that I am odd in my family and the world.
I Don't care.

SEX

Of the baby.....not THAT kind :)
We will find out the sex of baby bean in 4 weeks. Do I want a girl? Yes...I would love a girl. But I also know that God has a plan for this baby form the beginning of time. HE has determined this baby's sex before even I was born.
I have had A LOT of people tell me I am having a girl. I had a friend that got a bible verse for me while she was praying that spoke of the child "growing to womanhood" Another friend had a vision of me with a little girl. My constant sickness has caused people to say that this HAS to be a girl.
I am expecting a boy, don't know why. Don't know if I just don't want to get my hopes up, or that God is just preparing me.

If it is a boy I will be the ONLY one in 3-4 generations to have more than 2 boys. My brothers and cousins except one have one son a piece (except for Jimmy, he had 2 boys) and that is out of 13 of us on my mothers side and 7 of us on my fathers! My mother and aunts and uncles and both Grandmothers had 2 sons (Dan, Amelia, Ted) My grandmother only had 1 brother an 4 sisters. Now my Grandfather had four brothers (and 3 sisters)
So in a month we will know, either we will have "Our 3 sons" or we will have some pink in the house. I will keep you posted!

Lesson learned

Ever been praying to God about something...Griping, crying and complaining about how he is unfair because he hasn't answered your prayer.......then found out he had answered LONG before your tantrum?
Well i spent a month crying about my infertility, wondering why God had given me the desire for a large family only to not be able to conceive again........And I was pregnant the WHOLE time!

How often do we get off focus when things arent going the way we planned or hoped......only to have God gently remind us .....I have a plan. It is not YOUR plan, it is MY plan.