Where I am
These last few days have been very hard. I am in a spiritual struggle. Do I trust God? Why don't I trust God? Why am I so depressed?
I may have issues with my fertility. Or, I may be worrying without cause.
My periods were ALWAYS normal before the boys. Course, since Feb 05 I have only had 6. I got pregnant in March with Nehemiah, lost him in May. Had 2 periods, got pregnant with TJ, then breastfed 8 months, had 2 periods and got pregnant with Ben.
I stopped breastfeeding in November. Got my period on Jan 1st and then on Feb 6th (36 days) and then haven't had one since. I am on day 46....and I am worried. (i have tested twice and I am not pregnant )
Worried that I will never have another child.
It would be so frustrating to me if we didn't have more kids. We are the ONLY ones in both families that would LOVE to have lots of kids and we may be the only ones who only have 2.
But trusting God for the size of our family means trusting him even if it is small.
I feel guilty....I have so many family and friends who would love to have just ONE child and can't have one. I have 2 and I am whining.
Mine and Charlie's dream was always to have 4......now I don't know if that dream will come true.
posted by Jackie at
10:00 AM
1 Comments:
I am praying.
I know it is hard. I don't know if you remember me going through a time of infertility. That's why there is such a huge gap between my two oldest. Shane and I prayed and prayed that the LORD would bless us with another one. Everyone was getting pregnant at church, Christy, Melissa, DiAne, all the while, I wanted to be pregnant SO bad. To top it off, I had people asking me, "Are you pregnant yet?" Of course that was hard. But God finally answered our prayers. It was of course at a different time than I would have chosen, but He is sovereign.
Jackie, I hope that you can be encouraged. I am trusting that the LORD will answer our prayers, and that you will be expecting soon.
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